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Christian BC’s Best Of: ’09 Movies Already Givin’ Me A Bone by Christian BC

Howdy. 2008 had some bangarang movies: from The Dark Knight and Iron Man to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Pineapple Express (what? They were practically the same film). But 2008 ain’t got nothin’ on 2009! I haven’t had this many upcoming movie boners since Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalow and 10 Things I Hate About You came out in the same year (fuck, that was a decade ago!).

Here’s the chub-inducing films I’m most excited about. Except for the top 3, they are in no particular order as my anticipation for each is ever-changing.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – There are two reasons why I loved Transformers and they will be the same two reasons I love the sequel: amazing looking CGI robot fight scenes and Megan Fox. If you have no other reason to, watch the Super Bowl for the first trailer.

transformers2poster1

Coraline – Based on the children’s book of the same name by my favorite living author Neil Gaiman, Coraline will be directed by The Nightmare Before Christmas director Henry Selick. Like Selick’s previous films, it will be done in stop-motion, but will also be filmed in 3D (the first feat of its kind). It’s sure to be fun for the whole family!!!!


Where The Wild Things Are – Now generally, I would scoff and rant about a precious part of my childhood being transformed into a movie, but the production stills of this film alone have been blowin’ my mind and swellin’ my bone.

Push – This film (which is surprisingly and refreshingly not based on any preexisting material) revolves around a world populated by various types of psychics and a sector of the government trying to control them. With any luck, it’ll be as cool as Heroes used to be.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – I’m a giant fan of the Harry Potter heptalogy, but the films leave a lot to be desired. Nevertheless, I’ll be there opening night hoping this one won’t bastardize its eponymous literary counterpart as much as the last one did.

And now, the TOP 3 2009 FLICKS GIVIN’ ME A STONE BONE:

3. Star Trek – Most people know that I hate Star Trek. Ever since I was a kid and my step-dad would watch it on our only TV forcing me to also watch it cus what else was I gonna do, go outside?, I’ve hated Star Trek. I thought the stories were lame, the aliens looked lame, and the show was lame. I mean, Star Wars is a billion times better. Plus, it came first (in universe, of course). But the upcoming J.J. “Fucking LOST and Fringe Rule!” Abrams-helmed film has been gettin’ my bone-blood flowing since that teaser at the beginning of Cloverfield.

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I have been rabidly checking Wikipedia and Superhero Hype! for the past 2 years waiting for every tidbit of information on this film. The last X-Men sucked but with a new director and new direction, this film is going to fucking rule. And though I’m not thrilled with the actors portraying them, I still can’t quell my giddiness about the inclusion of Gambit and Deadpool. They are two of my favorite Marvel characters and I don’t know who I’m more excited to see on the big screen.

1. Watchmen – What can I say? The greatest graphic novel of all time is about to become the greatest movie of all time. Well, unless Fox has something to say about it. But despite Watchmen‘s never-ending legal woes, this film is done shooting and set Warner Bros. back $150, so one way or another, this film will be released. The visuals look amazing, and if Zack Snyder puts the amount of dedication into the film that he clearly has for the book, then this movie will be amazing. And the DVD may be even better considering it will not only be longer, but will include an animated Tales of The Black Freighter and a mockumentary version of Under The Hood.

watchmenposters

See you at the movies.

[Bonus fun game: Count how many times a refer to my erect penis in this post.]

– Christian BC

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I guess … 69 tymez!

So, first of all, I definitely share your enthusiasm on “Where the Wild Things Are”. Totez obvs tho. Gonna rule. So will “Star Trek XI”. I can’t belize you don’t like Star Trek! TNG rules and the original cast movies rule. Also, despite the fact that I remain dubious of its potential to this day, the “Watchmen” movie’s visuals at least show some big potential. I have to say for the record that I despised “300” but really liked the “Dawn of the Dead” remake. So I’m approaching this with mixed enthusiasm.

I also don’t understand KP’s enthusiasm for “Transformers”. That movie was bad! To me, the CGI fight scenes were a clusterfuck. I couldn’t tell what was happening at any point. It just looked like a bunch of gloopy CGI robots hitting eachother (ditto for the end of the otherwise spectacular “Iron Man”). Apparently one of the Autobots dies? Nope, didn’t see where that happened. LeBeouf’s character was a pricksucker too. I like the guy, but he plays a lot of pricksuckers in his movies.

Also, “Stardust” was one of the worst movies of 2007, so it’s hard for me to get behind another Gaiman adaptation, though “Coraline” looks much more promising than that atrocity. I had to watch “Stardust” on a flight that had the worst turbulence I’ve ever experienced–also the captain was screaming at people over the loudspeaker to stay in their seats. And as I was grasping the armrests and trying desperately to distract myself by watching the in-flight movie, all I could think of was that I was going to die watching this shit movie. It was the worst.

Comment by Joel

Correct!

@ Watchmen: I hated the “Dawn of the Dead” remake, but enjoyed “300” as pure entertainment. I think “Watchmen” will be accompanied by a good story as well, I mean, it sort of has to be.

@ Transformers: Watch your mouth! I hated the story, acting, and Shia LeBeouf as the lead, but I will knife fight you over how cool those robits looked wrestlin’ and mutatin’. As for a dying Autobot, I think it was the black one.

@ Coraline: I think this will be much better. And also, another somewhat creepy life intersection: I was on a flight with the worst turbulence I’ve ever experienced and was watching “Alvin and the Chipmunks” and kept thinking that if we died, that would have been the last thing I ever did.

Stay outta my head!

Comment by christianbeforechruch

Out of all these movies, I’ll probably only see Push (maybe), Where the Wild Things Are (probably), and Watchmen (definitely). I was interested by Coraline, but the video doesn’t work.

Push looks awesome! Seems like they created a really cool universe. Hopefully Dakota Fanning does less screaming than in War of the Worlds…

By the way, I found this site while searching for “huge throbbing cocks”, and I must say: false advertising.

Comment by Jay

Fixed Coraline video.
Dakota Fanning is definitely a wild card for Push. I don’t like when MOR actors try and do a “different” role and dye there hair blue and put on “goth” clothes.
Also, this site is riddle with huge throbbing cocks.

Comment by christianbeforechruch




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