Filed under: film, video | Tags: 10 things i hate about you, 1999, 2008, 2009, bone, boner, coraline, dark knight, deadpool, deuce bigalow: male gigalow, erection, film, fox, gambit, harry potter, harry potter and the half-blood prince, henry selick, iron man, j.j. abrams, megan fox, movies, muggle, neil gaiman, pineapple express, psychic, push, star trek, the curious case of benjamin button, the nightmare before christmas, transformers, transformers: revenge of the fallen, warner bros., watchmen, where the wild things are, x-men origins: wolverine
Howdy. 2008 had some bangarang movies: from The Dark Knight and Iron Man to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Pineapple Express (what? They were practically the same film). But 2008 ain’t got nothin’ on 2009! I haven’t had this many upcoming movie boners since Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalow and 10 Things I Hate About You came out in the same year (fuck, that was a decade ago!).
Here’s the chub-inducing films I’m most excited about. Except for the top 3, they are in no particular order as my anticipation for each is ever-changing.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – There are two reasons why I loved Transformers and they will be the same two reasons I love the sequel: amazing looking CGI robot fight scenes and Megan Fox. If you have no other reason to, watch the Super Bowl for the first trailer.
Coraline – Based on the children’s book of the same name by my favorite living author Neil Gaiman, Coraline will be directed by The Nightmare Before Christmas director Henry Selick. Like Selick’s previous films, it will be done in stop-motion, but will also be filmed in 3D (the first feat of its kind). It’s sure to be fun for the whole family!!!!
Where The Wild Things Are – Now generally, I would scoff and rant about a precious part of my childhood being transformed into a movie, but the production stills of this film alone have been blowin’ my mind and swellin’ my bone.
Push – This film (which is surprisingly and refreshingly not based on any preexisting material) revolves around a world populated by various types of psychics and a sector of the government trying to control them. With any luck, it’ll be as cool as Heroes used to be.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – I’m a giant fan of the Harry Potter heptalogy, but the films leave a lot to be desired. Nevertheless, I’ll be there opening night hoping this one won’t bastardize its eponymous literary counterpart as much as the last one did.
And now, the TOP 3 2009 FLICKS GIVIN’ ME A STONE BONE:
3. Star Trek – Most people know that I hate Star Trek. Ever since I was a kid and my step-dad would watch it on our only TV forcing me to also watch it cus what else was I gonna do, go outside?, I’ve hated Star Trek. I thought the stories were lame, the aliens looked lame, and the show was lame. I mean, Star Wars is a billion times better. Plus, it came first (in universe, of course). But the upcoming J.J. “Fucking LOST and Fringe Rule!” Abrams-helmed film has been gettin’ my bone-blood flowing since that teaser at the beginning of Cloverfield.
2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I have been rabidly checking Wikipedia and Superhero Hype! for the past 2 years waiting for every tidbit of information on this film. The last X-Men sucked but with a new director and new direction, this film is going to fucking rule. And though I’m not thrilled with the actors portraying them, I still can’t quell my giddiness about the inclusion of Gambit and Deadpool. They are two of my favorite Marvel characters and I don’t know who I’m more excited to see on the big screen.
1. Watchmen – What can I say? The greatest graphic novel of all time is about to become the greatest movie of all time. Well, unless Fox has something to say about it. But despite Watchmen‘s never-ending legal woes, this film is done shooting and set Warner Bros. back $150, so one way or another, this film will be released. The visuals look amazing, and if Zack Snyder puts the amount of dedication into the film that he clearly has for the book, then this movie will be amazing. And the DVD may be even better considering it will not only be longer, but will include an animated Tales of The Black Freighter and a mockumentary version of Under The Hood.
See you at the movies.
[Bonus fun game: Count how many times a refer to my erect penis in this post.]
– Christian BC
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